madagasgar

we went to go see madagasgar last nite. Quite out of character for my parents- they do not normally take the whole fam to movies, simply cuz it costs so much for 6 ppl to go, and other stuff factors in...but nonetheless, we went to see it. My friends roseanna organized for a group of us to go, so it was fun. I really liked the penguins. They were awesome.
Anyways, afterwards, we went to Tim Hortons, and talked. I had a good time.
Lydia finally got me those cds I had been bugging her to burn for me(yay) so i listened to the Pain of Salavation one last night. V interesting. I'm still getting through the Dream Theater one, but it's interesting. V cool guitar and drums. Amazing, actually.
Well nm else is v interesting in my life right now.
ttyl.
~Mandi

babysitting last nite

So last night, I was making my supper, when all of the sudden, mom's like, Oh. We're going to Pam and Wayne's for supper, and ur babysitting. we'll be home around 11. Here's ur chores. I was like, Wha?
So it wasnn't that bad, we all ate, I was supposed to wash the dishes- i did most of them. Ashley burned her cd that she wanted, and then all of us- me, abbie, ash, rick, rex- went outside o play football. Although my finger still hurt, it was fun. Rex started running all ovewr the place, and he actually brought the frisbee back a time or two. Ash and I threw the football back and forth, and abbie thought she was. It was all good. Then rex didn't want to go inside, but we finally got him on the leash.
I was supposed to put abbie to bed and read stories to her. So, half an hour later, i actually got her to bed. I read three books, and then I fell asleep in her bed before she did. I guess I was exhausted. Mom came and woke me up. Man! I was so warm. It must have been 15 degrees(celcius) out- pretty warm for the nighttime. And abbie had several blankets on. I stumbled around for awhile, and I finally found my way to my bedroom. Rex even slept on the foot of my bed...
Today is monday, and I brought my guitar today. Yay. I have english third, and we have a word of the day quiz. Then I get to play my song.
Like I said, I was online w darcy yesterday, and I learned basic tabs, and specifically scales. we had been working on those b4, but putting the two together. I suppose I am getting the stuff pretty easily, but i feel like its going really slow at the same time.
Anyways, I g2g, so ttyl.
~Mandi

guitar

so right now, im on msn learning tab. Darcy's online.
I never really learned tab, it looks quite scary. But i've heard many times it is quite simple. I suppose it is. It tells u where to put ur fingers, what string and which fret.
I am bringing my guitar to school tomorrow and I am going to play DownFall for my english class. And i hope I'll do it well enough. I just need to sing loud enough for the class to hear me over my guitar. Which is acoustic, not electric, and shouldn't be that hard, except for whats refered to as stage fright. I'm not that shy out of the class, when there's less pressure, but I feel like I have to do it right when they're all watching me.
Anyways, ttyl
~Mandi

saturday

so today...was a somewhat normal saturday. We cleaned the kingdom hall today, as it was our turn. Then Rex had his bi-annual bath. Apparently he needs two baths a yr, so dad and i drove him to Swagman's Tack and Supply, which has a pet grooming thing in the back. i think it's called happy tails. pretty cheesy, but anyway. I got to drive. We dropped him off, and then dropped off my resume for Avery's and Tim Hortons. Nm, but a start neways. I took the references off my resume, so it now says they are available upon request. Yes, darren- thats what u said to do. But i read it in the Awake! too.
When we got home w our shampoo-smelling dog, i took him for a good long walk. Almost to the end of our road.
We played pictionary-ash and i whooped their butts!, ash and I tossed the football around a lil til i hurt my finger again. At least i can move it reasonably well. I was like, oh man! not again! But i think i just jammed er up pretty good.
Tomorrow i don't think we have any definite plans, so i'll prob get to go on msn at some point. Josh, i need to talk to you, plz email me or come on msn! I know i haven't been on much l8ly, but I've been on a few times.
I made my own supper today, since my dad made a chicken dish. I got to have pasta sauce on shell pasta w lots of cheese melted on top. It was soooo good. Mushrooms, green peppers and onions in it...and lots of spices! I LOVE ITALIAN-STYLE FOOD!
Today wasn't that bad. And those days are pretty rare. i'll take them whenever i can.
Well, i guess that's all i have to say right now...but lydia, i m still waiting 4 that cd....will u have it done for mon? dont forget it..plz.
k, so ttyl.
~Mandi johnson

-my head hurts

i had the absolute worst presentation. i am such a loser!!!!! I get up in front of the class and feel nauseous. someone asked to go to the bathroom as i was about to start, and i wanted to ask if i could go barf. I hate presenting, but presenting for my histoire class is the worst. I'm not talking reg nerves here. the stress was so bad, bc as u may r may not know, i am somewhat of a perfectionist. but in front of my class, i get flustered, my head throbs, and i will do anything to get out of there.
so after my "presentation", i had a youth action team meeting. i got there, and darren was like, ur late. and i broke down, i almost shedtears, my eyes were all welled up, and my nose was running. I was really upset. but i tried to pay attention to the meeting, and it did get my mind off my horrible presentation.
my head still hurts....didn't do much in eng. g2g bye.
~Mandi

projet autonom

i am so not going to have this project ready to present tomorrow. Argh!!! I wanna tear my hair out!!!!!! drgiouybzidchvlzdnsv9f7w
I have english class next, and we are supposed to be somewhere in our preparation for our seminars. We have pretty much nothing. We need 4 soucres. We had trouble getting 1 last time we worked together.
My finger is a lovely shade of green/blue/purple today. I can bend it more, and it doesn't hurt quite as much, but i still can't use it when i type or write. I haven't tried playing guitar...don't think I'd get much music done. Thats frustrating, cuz I started a song, and I never got to finish it. :(
anyways, i should go now....class is almost over.
~Mandi

xrays

so we went to outpatients today, b/c of my finger. And I got x rays of it, then they just told me i had pulled a ligament in my finger and to put ice on it and to try to exercise it, but not too much.
So I'm back to school tomorrow, and I will have to present thurs. And it's no wheres near done. I need like, 11 more kd boxes, if anyone would bring them to school. Apparently no one else at school eats the stuff.
Well jolly good for the school population's health. They're mostly stoners anyway. except for my friends, who just happen to mostly be health nuts. Yeah, you, Lydia. You might be affecting me too, cuz before yesterday, I can't even rememer the last time I had chips or fries or pop or candy. And I felt so sick after having that junk. You know what I wound up ordering at McD's? A veggie toasted sandwich, and milk and a fruit/yogurt "parfait". No fries, i just stole a few fr my sis. Sigh. No pop, I took one sip of ash's and I was like, I'm gonna puke. I didn't but it was gross. So there, are you happy? Since I became a lacto-ovo vegetarian(2 yrs this nov) I have been so much more conscious of what I'm eating, and making sure I eat right. Thats a lil weird, cuz there used to be times when I could live off chips and pop and sugary cereals. Man, if i did that now, I would prob. kill myself. j/k. But it's weird anyways.
So I g2g, i'll ttyl
~mAnDi J

hopefully my new profile. 

home fr skool

owww.. I think i sprained my finger last night. It's all swollen and won't bend. Mom is hopefully taking me to the outpatients whenever she gets the time. Thing is, it's on my left hand, which means i can't write now. Yes, i am a leftie. Ppl are stil surprised to find that out.
See, what happened was, I bought a football last night. We went bowling, then to McD's, and then ash and I walked to walmart. So we looked around, and she's like, I want a football. And since I had way more $ saved than her- i think thats weird, cuz i have major $ saving trouble- i say, i'll buy it. We hummed and hawed, and i bought it.
We get home, and I took her out- it was getting dark. And we played around w it. The v last throw, we were on our way in, or about to. And it hit my knuckle or bent my finger back. Anyways, PAIN. and it thing started to swell up. it is worse this am.
anyways, thats why im not in school, if anyone cares. * sorry ashley- hugs*
what im most concerned about it my project for histoire. I don't have much of it done, and it's still at school. due on thurs. argh! i will not get it finished now.
Oh ! I almost forgot. Family fun day was yesterday, and it was ok, i guess. We played corney games. It was all v cheesy, as i said. But mom gave out "treat bags" and mine had some junk, but i had the NEW U2 CD!!!! I am so happy. Mom knew I'd been wanting it for a long time. Since it came out. And I was saving up for it too. :) And now i have it.
Anyways, i must go...ttyl
~Mandi

new cd

hey hey hey
Yesterday, I decided to burn a cd. Every other time I have tried, it's taken me forever!!!!! This time wasn't so bad. It only messed up once, and I found the files easliy. It burned quick, too. So I'm happy. My new cd is almost entirely slow songs. Break up songs, love songs, slow songs. I love it! There's a lot of stuff that's not exactly "popular" but that I like. Here's a list of the songs:
1/Poison: Every Rose Has Its Thorn (yes, i finally got a copy)
2/Don McLean: American Pie
3/James Taylor: Fire and Rain
4/Gin Blossoms: I Can't Figure You Out
5/Toni Braxton: Another Sad Love Song
6/Toni Braxton: Breathe Again
7/Linda Ronstadt: Still Within The Sound Of My Voice
8/Linda Ronstadt: Cry Like The Rainstorm
9/Don McLean: End of the Innocence
10/Heart: Alone
11/Sarah McLachlan: Ice Cream
12/Tommy James and the Shondells: Sweet Cherry Wine
13/Gin Blossoms: Not Only Numb
14/Linda Ronstadt:All My Life
15/Tommy James and the Shondells: Crimson and Clover
16/Sarah McLachlan: Good Enough
17/Blue Rodeo: Lost Together
18/Gin Blossoms: Til I Hear It From You

So thats all, it's almost exactly 80 minutes.
Anyways, i g2g, so I'll ttyl.
~Mandi Johnson

quick note

Hey ppls,
i don't have much time left. Just wanted to write on here again.
Ash is in Bridgewater this wkend, and we're picking her up tomorrow, as mom has this cheesy "family fun day" organized. I foresee some unhappiness for me tomorrow. Starting with driving halfway to bridgewater in the morning, in the middle or back seat of our van.
Anyways, I had a headache today, big surprise. It has rained all day. I hate this weather pattern! My head keeps on hurting....it's not fair.
I tried to work on my projet autonom, but i can't concentrate. I should try l8er, or tomorrow.
We went shoppiung yesterday, i got gum and notepads and a headache. And eyestrain came as a bonus with that one.*rolls eyes- ow!*
I need new glasses. my left eye needs a stronger prescription. And I've been getting incredibly light-sensitive l8ly. It sux.
well, i g2g. ttyl
~mAnDi J

bah da bah da da..da da da..

i still have that sarah McLaughin song on my brain. i likes it.
I was watching csi the season finale last night- 9-11. wow. it was awesome. Most ppl i know watched it.
And i'm still in calm class, it's stretching into an incredibly long day- prob why i'm minding it so much.
I am happy tho- no school on mon. But sad- my friend's dad died and his memorial service is on sat. My dad's giving the service at our kingdom hall. It's not lik he was really young, tho. He was an older brother in our hall, but he will be missed. I remember every time i'd stop to talk to him he was always just so happy to be there. To be at the kingdom hall for the meetings. And he was enthusiastic. He had some health problems, but i remember him as just always being there. It was encouraging to me. But now he's gone- he died from cancer. His wife is still in our hall, and his daughter, Roseanna, she's in our hall too. She taken his illness really well, though. She's one of my best friends. She realizes her dad had a really good life and that he was in a lot of pain, and all that stuff. And our beliefs sort of help with grief. I don't believe god "takes" ppl or that we all go to heaven, and I don't believe in hell. Most ppl don't know that.
So mom has some incredibly cheesy thing planned this wkend....i don't know what. Oh! maybe she's taking us to the fair. I heard it's at the mall, but i'm like, hardly ever there anymore. I doubt thats what she's planned tho. We just got a dog, and she's always complaining bout being broke, and not having enough to go to winnipeg....
I am still saving up to go to bathurst this summer. I am pretty excited about that. I like trains. I don't know why, but I was on one only once, and it was w my aunt, and I just really liked the trip.
Well the bell will be ringing in a few more minutes. I suppose I'll say goodbye for real this time.
tty tomorrow.
~mAnDi J

calm portfolios

I am finally finished my CALM class career portfolio. yay.
i need to hear back fr josh- you left me in the lurch there, yesterday, and you know it!! thats not fair. *pouts*
I am not having a super day today, but it's ok. I am kinda like, here but not here.
And there is a book messing w my head. The Chrysalids. I read it after the math test, and I was like, whoa. It's v intruiging tho. V interesting, and i will like doing my novel study on it.
I g2g now, so I'll ttyl.
~Mandi

and its a long way down...

it's long way down to the place where we started from.
Sarah McLaughlin. Love that song- it's called Ice Cream. Hey, she's from my province in Canada. Isn't that cool?
Your love is better than chocolate...better than anything else that I' ve tried. oh...love. Is better than chocolate...everyone here knows how to cry...it's a long way down. It's a long way...down to the place where we started from.

Lalalalala.
I am random. It's a fact of life. I like to live. I like to be alive, and feel alive. When I don't I miss feeling alive. I want that feeling back. That in itself says I still feel alive, in some way, doesn't it? That says I still want to live, regardless of what I tell myself. Or anyone else.

We got our assignments for english class today. 15-20% of our mark, apparently goes towards how well we do on our Much Ado About Nothing seminars. We have to do 15-20 min presentations on a subject of our choice re: the play. Sigh.We are allowed to work in groups of 1-3. I figured I am done for if I don't work w drew and josh. So the 3 of us are working together now. It looks like it'll be so much fun! We will most likely do a skit....and our topic is Modern vs traditional relationships.Like I said, v fun to work on. Esp w them. I think they're cool, though every one else will most likely say otherwise...but Eng is my fave subject anyways....I'm a writer, 'member?
Anyways, I g2g, so I'll pos more(interesting stuff) tomorrow.
~mAnDi J

i think im in love

Not with a guy, im tlking bout our dog we got yesterday...
Pardon me, but i'm going to talk about my dog for awhile here.
I love rex. He is so incredibly well behaved, and you can tell he was well trained by the family that gave him to us. Ash and i took him for a walk to Amy and Lydia's afterschool yesterday so they could meet him.
And last night, when we were kinda hanging around, before eventually getting to bed, he was tired, and lying on the floor, but he wanted to be around us. Like, he was in the living room, but when we moved to my parents' room, to watch tv for a few mins before mom kicked us to bed, he came in there. So he wound up sleeping in my room....i woke up w him sitting by my feet. That was pretty cool.
He seems to really like my dad though. Like, he growls when anyone pulls in the yard, but when he sees it's dad, he gets all happy, and runs up to be hugged. It's so cute.
so anyways, rex is a really good dog.
i'll try not to bore y'all bout him too much! lol.
ttyl
~mAnDi J

i love random

hello...
my chatterbox is super random today...isn't it great?
Guess what?!!
My optomitrist appt is on wed, and afterwards,m we are getting a dog!!! I've never had a pet of my own before, except for goldfish, and my sister's rabbit. And I can't have a cat cuz I'm allergic. So we are getting this black lab/shepard mix, and i guess he's supposed to be somewhat small, but my dad just loves him, and so does the rest of my family. the dog's name is rex, and he's 3 yrs old. Maybe I'll actually be able to take him for walks and get in better shape. lol. We all know what kind of person I am when it comes to fitness....not that great! At least I'm not really overweight, though. But I can still lose a few pounds...won't kill me.
Darcy is sending me some basic guitar playing stuff. Need the basics, right? Cuz I'm somewhat stuck w playing right now. I don't have enough background to write more advanced stuff...so hopefully i'll learn from it. I did find a combo that sounds really cool the other day....if you play D augmented, (D+ or Daug.) B, D+, B, Em, A, G. I think it sounds cool, anyways.
My song Downfall, which will be played in my english class as soon as my teacher will let me, starts off somewhat strange, as darcy pointed out. It's an E chord, then Am, and then A. I guess they're not theoretically supposed to go together, but hey- it sounds cool.
Anyways, I g2g, so ttyl.
~mAnDi J

internet ban

So...in case some of you were wondering....i have been banned fr the internet this wkend. Mom thinks I'm spending too much time on it. lol. Lydia- i want no comment fr u on that. I know i spend a lot of time on the internet. Mom wants me to cut waaaay back on it this summer. Well, i'll be in bathurst for a couple weeks, and we'll be camping for some amount of time this summer, but I would really like to have use of msn. *pouts*
So this wkend, my aunt Bev came up, and well, she is the relative i could actually say knows me better than anyone. She was there when i was born, and she's stuck stuff out w me even when my parents couldn't understand. She is honestly my biggest role model. So i don't mind cutting back on msn and internet while she visits us.
I finally finished filling out that job application, got my butt in gear, and drove bev and i down to berwick to drop it off. Yay. This is quite unusual for the girl who procrastinates everything. Actually, i really enjoyed driving today. It was beautiful out, and I had no real trouble(except for parking in the ClothesLine parking lot*shudders*) in driving.
Today was a little windy out, but the sun was v warm. I wore my halter top anyway; Mom bought it last year, and I never got around to wearing it. It fits better now anyway. lol.
I just realized i put a semi-colon in that last sentence- proof Mr Collins is getting to me. We had a lesson bout that in English class like, on thrusday. funny, ain't it?
I read the title to the song "every rose has it's thorn" in the entertainment part of the mewspaper today, and i can't get it out of my head. I looked it up on a downloading site, cuz I've never actually downloaded music fr the internet b4. I found on that site i could get the one song for $1.19, but i had to pay a monthly fee, which would suck. And I have no money, no credit cards. boo hoo. I'll ask round school on mon i guess, to see if anyone has it and will let me copy that one song. Thats all I want! It's a beautiful song by poison.
Well, it's quite late now, I have a early morning, so i'll sign off for now.
l8ers,
~Mandi

home alone

hey ppls,
i dont' have v much to type right now
im tlking to josh s online...and he seems to be looking at his problems too closely and not seeing the big picture. It's a little frustrating
I hope i can help tho, cuz we've been chatting on msn off and on for awhile.
um...hmm. what happened at school today? Everyone was watching the hockey game between canada and ...whoever canada was against. We won apparently. I don't really pay that much attention. I don't like hockey. I don't like v many sports in general. I'm more of a read a book kinda gal.
And i hung out w Josh p and his friends today. they're cool. a lil over my head at times, but generally i feel more comfortable around them now. There was me, greg d, josh p, lauren, whatshisface- is it justin?, and then kyle and sarah came in. Adrienne and her bf- whatshisname um...i really can't remember. But i like hanging out there. Greg and josh are really nice. So's drew, when he's there.
anyways...i should go now...tty'all l8er
~mAnDi J

wordless and vulnerable

For once, i don't have words to describe how i'm feeling right now. In fact, it makes absolutely no sense. I feel like a girl, and it's awful! I feel like crying, but i can't, and I don't even know why i feel like crying. I usually at least know what i'm feeling but this has me thrown for a loop. My head hurts so bad, and this has been an awful day.
I biked to school to be on time for the rehersal of our Youth Action Team play. I haven't been biking as much as i should be, and i was quite winded. oh man! now i have to bike home, and I'm exhausted. Oh well. At least it'll do me good.
So the gr 8 presentations weren't too bad, but after that the day went downhill fast. By lunch, i felt awful. Like I was all alone, and it scared me. A lot. I get to the point where i feel like I can't breathe. I was surrounded by ppl who had no clue, and did not understand. I hate it.
So this is english class right now, and at the start, i asked to read my poem as the poem of the day. I read "Stained". It's quite a deep poem, i don't know if they got it or not.
I'll post it here:
Stained
Whenever I think
You've gone away from me
You hurl yourself back again
Will you ever flee?
When these chains get too much,
Can I break free?
This prison I am held in
Has no boundaries
No walls.
For imagination is the cruelest
Damnation to befall
I thought as I laid,
That I was broken and stained.
When you think you're in the clear,
It comes again to haunt you
It never leaves-
always persists
Always there, always taunts you
I lay broken and stained.
This confinement I feel
Dis-empowers me
Lying here
I am broken and stained
You make me do thing I don't want
You make me hurt
You make me sought
By things I can't imagine
My mind is broken and stained
And then it's over
But I just won't believe-
I just can't see
Why you'd ever leave
My pain is your gain
As I'm lying here
I am broken and stained.
~Mandi johnson
I g2g, so i'll post more l8er

listlessness

i suppose i could have had a better day today. Not feeling so great.
We had Gator Idol last period, Sarah Burgess won, that was good.
Right before they announced it, Amy told me to shout out, "Alex, I'm pregnant". I didn't, but i almost did. I would have been so mortified, like, beyond belief. There's some history there, but i will not state anything further.
After school, i was informed that i'm a sped, this fr the guy who takes sped bio. Seems a lil odd. But i don't deny it, i am quite stupid in areas. like relationships. I can give common sense advice, but i can't figure out how to use it w myself. I tend to manipulate ppl i care about, and thats why i'm trying to be so careful now w ppl i meet.
i guess i just had an off day. try again tomorrow.
i don't really have anything else to post here.
~mAnDi J

gator idol

gator idol is today! the finale. Translates to: 5 period day, therefore, shorter classes. Thats fine by me.
Yesterday we were at my grandparents' house, and i posted on here. I checked my emails this morning, and had a new one from josh. To log on and read his, and reply took me only 6 minutes, which was a good thing, cause my bus was about to come. lol.
I accidentally set my alarm clock ahead one hour last night, so instead of going off around 7, i was woken up around 6. And i didn't even notice. It was still dark out, and no one was up. That should've tipped me off. But no, i showered, and was completely awake by the time I realized it was far to early. Groaner. Well, i guess i'll be tired most of today then.
Thats all for now, i'll post who won gator idol after school, unless lydia does first.
ttyl
~mAnDi J

sunday

today is sunday, so i have to finish my homework that was due on friday to pass in tomorrow. It's not done yet.
Actually, I'm at my grandparents' house right now. We were out to New Germany, for the morning, and then we headed home, we haven't reached it yet. And grammy's computer has an older version of msn messenger that won't allow me to use it, so i can't go on. :(*cries*
So I'm basically updating things on here and checking emails. Ppl in general seem to be having a problem with emailing me. It's called take two minutes out of your day to make a young girl happy and loved. j/k. But it would be nice to get a few emails once in awhile. I have 6 addresses.
Not a whole lot else is happening...
I realized, though, that i never mentioned exactly what made me so frustrated yesterday. Mom decided to "clean" my room, translates to" she's moving stuff around so I'm lost, and throwing out my most precious possessions!!! She also seems to think she'll do this all week, and survive to tell about it. GRRRRRRR. If there's one thing i hate, it's people who think they know how to clean my room. It's my space, and everything is organized MY way. If you want to organize, clean your own room. I happen to have a lot of stuff, and occassionally I actually go through it. But I was supposed to do hmwk yesterday, not clean my room for 2 hours. That is why my hmwk is still not done.
Well, i guess there's really nothing more to post.
ttyl
~Mandi Johnson

oo la la la oo la la la

Today was frustrating. I stayed up later than usual last night, as we all (excpet for dad) decided to go on down to the opening of the drive-in. We stayed for two movies, got home around 1:15, and I didn't get to sleep probably until about 2. Woke up too early, at 7:50, to shower and get ready to got to the Drop and Run at Acadia. Thats a huge yard sale. The students are pretty much done their year, and are headed home, so anything they don't want they can drop off at the arena, and they have an annual yard sale inside(arena sale?). Last year we went, i got the best jeans ever, as well as a lot of candles and candle holders. Dad thought someone may have dropped off a beat up guitar(i know he said that to get me to come!), but he was looking for computer stuff.
We actually didn't do too bad. I got brand new GAP jeans for mom, except when we got home, i tried them on and they're mine now. I got a big artist's canvas, and it's intimidating me. I don't know what to paint.
I also got more candle stuff.(yay) We got a whole bunk bed set for my 14 yr old sister- in maple. The set cost us $15. That made the whole trip worthwhile, and the fact that dad let me drive on the highway. Acadia U is about 20 mins away, so I drove fr acadia to home, and then back to acadia. I know, technically, it's wolfville, but i will refer tho that town here as acadia. I had never been on the highway before when i was driving, it was so cool. And I drove through the tim horton's drive thru, another first. We picke dup a coffee for me and one for mom, though she didn'tknow we brought her one and she left it on a table at the drop and run. She wasn't impressed when we told her later.
Yesterday, Lydia and I were supposed to bike up the mountain to the ravine- but i forgot, and she was too tired anyways. *sad face* I actually id want to go, but we can't for a couple weeks not, cause the weather's being lousy. We have a severe storm warning, apparently we will get a lot of rain today and tomorrow, and pretty much all week it's supposed to rain. Aww...
anyways, I think that should bring y'all up to date on my incredibly boring and pathetic life.
l8ers.
~Mandi Johnson

CALM class gives blisters lol

we just got back fr a long walk insteads of doing work in calm class. I wore a skirt today, along w dress shoes, so my feet kinda hurt on this walk. So i went barefoot for most of it. Come back, i have a blister on my heel and it is getting painful to walk in these shoes to get on the bus and go home. I know that its my own fault, and im finding it kind of funny anyway, cuase i only had the shoes on for a few minutes. They're not made for walking, thats for sure.
Today was interesting, because outside, it's sunny and warm, and i was feeling very much alone in the world today. Just a sort of listlessness that i get all the time.
Anyways, thats all for now, i hope to be on msn today...although i may have to do my hmwk for once. lol. We'll see.
l8ers
~Mandi Johnson

Babysitting

So i am sitting here doing my rubric for histoire instead of passing it in at the start of class. *rolls eyes* I had a few things written up, but nothing typed. So you know why i gdon't have it done? I was babysitting last night. The kids were really good too, went to bed when i asked them, only one put up a fuss when i didn't give him a freezie, but dropped that notion after a few seconds.
So i got $10. all to go towards my trip this summer. I don't hve a real job. not yet, anyways. I plan on going to New Brunswick, in case you didn't know. I have two aunts and two uncles that live there, and i have some friends i wanted to visit.
I was talking to josh yesterday on msn, right beofre i had to go babysit. I feel kinda bad bout making him apologize over and over, but he really had me worried yesterday at school!
i wrote a poem yesterday, I don't know if it's any good, but hre it is anyway.
You
You were everything
You were the sun
You were the rain
You were life
You were pain
You were a sunset
You were blinding
You were beautiful
You were thunder
You were my thoughts
Put into man
My own creation,
You were my wingspan.
You were everything
Then everything changed
You weren't there
You weren't mine
You didn't even care
So I am alone now
and I'm quite scared
Because I lost everything
An yet was spared
I don't know what
to think. What to do.
You were everything
And I still miss you.
~Mandi Johnson, 2005

cracked rose coloured glasses

know whats not cool? Reading your friend's blog post that he put on shortly after tlking to you on msn, and reading bout how he feels suicidal. Thats so not cool, josh. Even if you're messing around. I write about death a lot, especially last year, and i have more recently recieved the gift of these rose coloured glasses. I refer to optimism, as in, No matter how bad it gets, things will get better. At some point, thing'll get better, and you have to hang around to wait it out.
Last night, i felt so incredibly ALIVE. I don't feel like that all the time. As you know, lydia, I often describe myself as "dead" or in a "zombie-like state". most often, i say I'm dead, refering to the lack of life i feel.
I was going to post today about what i was thinking of on the bus this morning- identity, appearances, and beauty. I was wondering, what is true beauty? They say it's on the inside. That looks aren't a major factor, and thats what i've held to my entire life. I don't normally get turned on by really hot guys. Normal ones w extraordinary minds is normally what i go for, tho why i'm posting that i have no clue.
I try to be honest, i really do. Everything i type is true, at least to some degree. What i put on here is not made up, it's merely my musings about the world around me, as i perceive it.
So I was thinking about identity, and how we know who we are. I've been trying to figure out who i am and what is most important to me at least consciously since grade 8. Why? I think it may have been to do with that i felt a peice of me was missing, and that if i knew who i was, than I could figure out what was missing, and fill it in. But it's never that simple, is it? You can't just print out results from a quiz online that tell you exactly who you are. You have to do it on your own, no one gets to help. Thats why so many people don't know who they are. Because it's hard. Sometimes painful when you begin to find out who you are.
I can go on probably indefinitely, but my classtime is almost up, so i'll end this for now.
~mAnDi J

dah dah dah dah

Hey ppl.
I got to drive today. I hadn't driven in like, over a week. The only really embarassing part otday was i was all over the place backing up into our driveway. I still need practice on that one, lol. But thats what ur learners is for, right?
Someone was on msn today and sent me an email saying he thought i said I had writer's block bc of him, which i found funny! what he didn't realize was that he's more like my muse than anything. I have been writing a lot more sonce i met him, and before that, i had went through a rough and v writing-less period. I am relieved that i'm back to writing, because, as i've said before, it is like my soul.
Well, i g2g now, so ttyl.
~mAnDi J

another day, another face, another life

I don't really remember everything i typed yesterday, as I was on msn at the time, and my attention was split.
But I know that it took quite awhile for those feelings from yesterday to go away. Finally, they did, though, and I am feeling better. I'm in homeroom, so I g2g now, but hopefully, I'll type more later.
~mAnDi J

it almost consumes me....

sadness. hurt. betrayal. anger. overwhelming. dishonesty. disloyalty.
All these words have been racing through my mind today. And I've been thinking way to much. Not like, 'did I eat today?', like, meaning of stuff, thinking bout life, death, truth, and a lot about lies.
And sometimes this thinking hurts me. I've been thinking bout some painful stuff from last year. Places I'd rather not visit again.
I also oddly enough feel v creative and moody now, and i will most likely write a song or at least part of one when i get offline. or a really good poem. but just a guess. I generally write best when i question the world around me, and when i ask myself who i truely am.
But i guess thats the way it has to be.
well, i g2g, so ttyl
~mAnDi J

wyrms and other incredibly captivating things

So Ashley has lent me this sci-fi book as of a few days ago. I'm over 2/3 into it, and man, it's like, addictive or something. I sat and read it for over an hour last night. Really good. I don't normally read sci-fi, cuz it sometimes creeps me out. And I generally prefer to read mindless fiction stuff. It's not that I've never read anything sci-fi, and i'm not against it.
On other things, I need idea for my zine!!! I need a theme for June's issue, and I really don't have one yet. Suggestions are welcome.
If you check out my site on the side bar there>, you can see the subjects I've already done.
Too bad I did Music already. That would be cool, cause its such an important thing in my life.
I love writing, and in fact, my second issue was on Poetry.
I've actually been writing a lot more lately, too. And with that, in my journals(not online ones), I've been writing more and more personal stuff. I'm thinking maybe I should start writing in greek again, or pigpen, although that's just annoying when you're trying to read your own journals over.
I have about 6 codes that I have used on my journals, but I've taken to just writing plain english in them lately. After the incident yesterday, I'm re-thinking that.
anyways, the bell is gonna go soon, so ttyl
~mAnDi J

CELEBRATION

hey, i finally finished my biography on Brian Mulroney for our french immersion Histoire class!!
I am so releived now...
I've also been on msn, tho few others on my list have, and some said "brb" and haven't come back. *Ahem, wonder who that is?*
Well, g2g.
~mAnDi J

fond memories, im sure. "forget about it"

Hey lydia, may i remind u i have never greeted ne one that way. I said many times how stupid it was in gr 8. Cheese slice to the maximum. That was u, and skylar, and hickey. Remember? Not me. I just didn't get it.
I did get a lot of things in gr 8. Which is probably why it was one of my best and worst yrs in school. I mean, on the good side, I still have all my diaries fr that time, and as i recall, there were a lot of guys i liked then. Most I won't admit to.
On the other side, i went through the equivalent of mental breakdown bc of u and every person i hung out w on that one unforgetable day. I still have never figured out how y'all got together on that one to make me so upset. Every single person. I was miserable for what seemed like a v long time.
But, enough about the past.
I have one of the two things done for history. And I need to finish the bibliography on that. *rolls eyes* I never did complete my biography of Brian Mulroney.
Here's what really happened: Last night, mom rented the Incredibles. Well, i had never seen it, cutesy movie, i decided to watch it. I had to make my own supper first, a version of their's minus the chicken. So I make my supper, watch about an hour of the movie, and then abbie wakes up. Turns out she peed down the side of the pull-out couch. Like, ewwwww. So dad's cleaning that up, mom running all over the place, and I realize, oh, it's a good time to get back to my hmwk. Riiiiight. So I click onto my account on our computer, and i realize the internet had been on all that time on our dial up!!!
It sounds really dumb, but i got super upset. I mean like, I started yelling and screaming, no one was listening to me, and then dad comes out to talk to me about what happened after we got our messages fr the phone. I really hate it when he looks at me like that. Like I've done the unspeakable crime. So when he's done tlking, i walk into the bathroom, thinking, I could kill myself in here so easily. We've got like, a whole bottle of rubbing alochol. Lucky for me, I don't have the true desire to commit suicide, just a v dramatic and somewhat morbid side. So I just start crying. I mean, like, silent, tears won't stop coming crying. Then i washed my face, went downstairs and crawled nito bed. It was 7:45 pm. I woke up at 7:15 am. At least I got a lot of sleep.
well, that's bringing y'all up to date. lol
And josh, that should explain why i wasn't on msn at 11. bye.
~mAnDi J

no profile pic yet, and other randomness

Wow. Lydia posted on here. That's rare. lol. j/k, lydia.
I looked up the website for that band, Pain of Salvation(love that name!), and wow. The lyrics are way better than ne thing i could ever write. I mean, I could write about the same stuff, and it wouldn't come out nearly that good.
As for my entry being deep, i don't think so, not especially. Just my musings of that moment, caught in cyberspace for all the world to see.
Ok, yeah, i have a way with words. But it's not like i'm like that all the time. I'm one female with a lot of writer's block.
For instance, i'm sure amy and lydia are finished their memoirs and their biogpraphies des premiers ministers, mais je n'ai le commencé!
I haven't started them. Well, i have info, i just find it so incredibly boring and a watse of time, i can't write about it. I need inspiration. Big time.
Cracking a textbook might get me motivated, but not inspired.
I have yet to figure out how to get my pic on my profile. It's quite frustrating, as I took several pics to get that one, which looks half decent and not stoned, and now it tells me it's too big to put as my profile. *shakes fist*.
I'll figure it out sometime.*rolls eyes and sighs*
On other news, I have updated most of my web pages for my zine, save for the two most recent issues, which still have the wrong colour background. Let me tell you, this is one all canadian girl. I can never type colour w/o that u, and the html doesn't tend to like it there too much. thats mildly amusing.
well, deifenbaker and mulroney call, so i better say adieu now, and post on here when i'm done and celebrating.
~mAnDi J

Just another ugly pic of me. ;)