wordless and vulnerable

For once, i don't have words to describe how i'm feeling right now. In fact, it makes absolutely no sense. I feel like a girl, and it's awful! I feel like crying, but i can't, and I don't even know why i feel like crying. I usually at least know what i'm feeling but this has me thrown for a loop. My head hurts so bad, and this has been an awful day.
I biked to school to be on time for the rehersal of our Youth Action Team play. I haven't been biking as much as i should be, and i was quite winded. oh man! now i have to bike home, and I'm exhausted. Oh well. At least it'll do me good.
So the gr 8 presentations weren't too bad, but after that the day went downhill fast. By lunch, i felt awful. Like I was all alone, and it scared me. A lot. I get to the point where i feel like I can't breathe. I was surrounded by ppl who had no clue, and did not understand. I hate it.
So this is english class right now, and at the start, i asked to read my poem as the poem of the day. I read "Stained". It's quite a deep poem, i don't know if they got it or not.
I'll post it here:
Stained
Whenever I think
You've gone away from me
You hurl yourself back again
Will you ever flee?
When these chains get too much,
Can I break free?
This prison I am held in
Has no boundaries
No walls.
For imagination is the cruelest
Damnation to befall
I thought as I laid,
That I was broken and stained.
When you think you're in the clear,
It comes again to haunt you
It never leaves-
always persists
Always there, always taunts you
I lay broken and stained.
This confinement I feel
Dis-empowers me
Lying here
I am broken and stained
You make me do thing I don't want
You make me hurt
You make me sought
By things I can't imagine
My mind is broken and stained
And then it's over
But I just won't believe-
I just can't see
Why you'd ever leave
My pain is your gain
As I'm lying here
I am broken and stained.
~Mandi johnson
I g2g, so i'll post more l8er